distant

It's getting worse. I'm finding it increasingly difficult to think. I can't seem to get out of this fuzzy dream-like state. I can't even explain it properly. Maybe that's why it's so isolating, feeling like this. I can't put into words how i feel. I know that there are other people on Earth who feel it too. But there is no one in my life who can truly understand how i am feeling.

For me, dizziness and vertigo are the worst symptoms of MAV. I guess really, i should be grateful that they have not got worse. Even though it's not easy for people to imagine what it is really like to live with dizziness almost all the time, everyone has experienced dizziness/vertigo at some time in their life. Because of this, if the only symtom i got from MAV was dizziness, at least more people would be able to relate to me, even just a little bit. But what i am feeling now, what i have felt every morning i have woken up with for the last 9 weeks, is almost unexplainable. I've never met anyone (other than people on forums) who has felt this too, and can tell me that they truly know how i feel. I can't think of anything more isolating than that.

If anyone asks what it feels like, if someone tries to understand and relate to me, i find myself reaching out to them, desperately trying to tell them. I want someone to listen.

I'm going to try again to do my coursework. It's unbelievably difficult to concentrate because i feel like i'm not really here. I feel distant from life. But i won't give up. If it's the only thing that i achieve this year, i will get an A in health and social care.