Acceptance

Yesterday, I woke up feeling different. I mean emotionally, not physically. I don't know what changed, i just realised, that how i have been feeling for the past 9 weeks isn't going to change anytime soon. I've reached acceptance that this is the new normal. Every single morning for the last 9 weeks, i've woken up hoping for it to not be there. But now when i wake up and still feel it, i'm realising more and more that maybe this is how it is now.

It's okay. Really, i'm okay. It's hard... It's always going to be hard, but wallowing in self pity about it won't make it go away. I have realised that i am strong. Even though i feel like i could sleep for a month i have this strength inside of me, and i won't let my MAV kill me. The way it makes me feel and think will never truly be understood by anyone else, i don't think. It's completely lonely here, inside my body... But there's nothing i can do about it. All i can do is carry on, and know that i am strong enough to get through it.