I think I might be having an MAV relapse, and it started last weekend with orchestra. I had no idea how much of an effect practising all day would have on me. I always saw music as the one thing I could do without my symptoms affecting me, but that is because I practice for an hour a day at the most, usually less. Playing the cello all day hurts my legs and my arms, and by the end of it I feel physically and mentally exhausted, but I still enjoyed it.
All the simple things feel difficult again, but this time it feels more mental than physical. I am a bit weaker, but mainly I am just very dissociated, and it isn't easy to concentrate when my mind has wandered away from my body and the world has become like something from a dream, which my body can't live on and instead just drifts through it.
When I feel like this, I look for solutions, anything I can eat, or drink, or take, that might make me feel better. I will drink more because it's just so much easier than having to concentrate, and do the things I should be doing.
Why are there so many songs about heartbreak and falling in love, but so few about living with a chronic illness?
Sweet little duck, I'm waiting for you, but I still wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm gonna set things right... This is the song I will probably have in my head when I wake up tomorrow morning. It will make me feel better; it will make me get up.
I agree. Maybe because it's heartbreaks are easier to write about while chronic illnesses seem harder.
ReplyDeleteTrue. And everyone gets their heart broken, but not everyone gets a chronic illness.
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