This is how i know that i am not a selfish person:

When i think about how much i want to get better, or at least get the support i need to gain control of my MAV and stop myself relapsing more and more, i realise that i want it more than i have ever wanted anything before in my life. Honestly, i want it so much that i can't allow myself to think about it, because not having it hurts too much.

I'm not asking for a miracle cure, but i can still dream can't i?

But when i think about the reasons why i want to get better, i know that i am not selfish, because obviously i want to get better for myself, so i don't have to deal with all these exhausting, messed up symptoms anymore, but the main reason why i want to get better is because i want strong so i can help other people when i am occupational therapist. How can i truly help other people to manage their illnesses when i can't even manage my own? And how i am i meant to give people the strength they need to live their lives how they want, when i feel so powerless myself?