Today, everything was dream-like and messed up. I had a doctor's appointment and missed two of my classes. As i was walking to college, i regretted coming in at all. It's scary walking alone when i feel like that. But i wanted to see my friends. I missed you all. Especially Kathy.
I get used to feeling like i am not really there, and it's a strange feeling, but it's not always that bad now i am more used to it. It's just that recently, it's all i've felt. I haven't felt normal once for 3 days. And it's a bit lonely. I feel so separate from everyone else.
I lie. I feel more than just a bit lonely. I feel incredibly lonely. Because i am walking around in a strange, fuzzy, messed up world, and not one of the hundreds of people i see in my day can truly understand how i am feeling. I can't describe how it feels.
Argh. The next few days, i am going to have to be very strict with my MAV diet if it means feeling slightly more normal again.
Later, i will play my cello. That will help me take my mind off everything for a while. Then i will sleep, and hopefully wake up feeling less fuzzy. No matter what's going on inside, at least i still have music.
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