Some nights, I hear music in my head while I dream. I wake up with a song playing in my head. Then I listen to music while I get ready, and I go for a walk listening to my ipod, and I do my college work while listening to music. Then I play my violin or cello, and later on if I cook, I put music on.
I spend the days that are filled with music in a protective bubble that I create myself, as a way of easing the anxiety that dissociation brings. Even after all this time, dissociation still scares me, and even though the music doesn't make it go away, it eases the pain of it a bit, and it helps me to convince myself that the fragmented, dissociated world that I live in is beautiful instead of lonely and sometimes scary.
I spend the days that are filled with music in a protective bubble that I create myself, as a way of easing the anxiety that dissociation brings. Even after all this time, dissociation still scares me, and even though the music doesn't make it go away, it eases the pain of it a bit, and it helps me to convince myself that the fragmented, dissociated world that I live in is beautiful instead of lonely and sometimes scary.
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