I keep on slipping out of this life, waiting for the drapes to close

It's strange how some days I feel strong and capable of doing almost anything. Other days, I feel so weak that I can't even walk around the block. Today was one of those days. I've been in a state of dissociation all day, and everything is so dreamlike. I constantly feel like I am going to faint. It really does feel like I am going to drift off somewhere. I feel like I am about to disappear. Strangely, I don't care too much because I'm numb; I can think but not really feel. It's kind of like I'm on something like Valium. I wish I was, at least then I would have an explanation for this feeling.

I played my cello today for five minutes. I couldn't do it for much longer because of my arm. I've missed it a lot the last week.