I wish the voices in my head would leave my ears alone, so my eyes could stop their water bleeding and I could find a home

For about the first week after I started taking Amitriptyline, my sleep was quiet and restful and deep. This was such a relief, because for the last few years my sleep has been quite restless, and I have so many dreams that I might as well be awake. I'm not sure exactly when it was that sleep started to take energy from me instead of providing it, but I know that when I was younger, I would sleep almost as restfully as I did in the first week of taking Ami.

My body obviously got used to the medication quite quickly, because my dreams are back and my sleep is quite disturbed and restless again. Not every night is bad, and not sleeping would obviously make me feel a lot worse than sleeping does, but I just miss the feeling of not existing, of my mind being switched off that I felt at the beginning. Sleep is the only real escape I have from my symptoms. But sleeping isn't much of a relief when you dream too much, and your mind doesn't ever seem to switch off, and when you wake up almost hyperventilating. Sometimes I just wish my thoughts didn't race so fast.