Memory's a terrible thing when you use it right

The last week hasn't been the most pleasant week of my life, but I think I've handled things pretty well. I keep finding myself wishing I could go back to times when we were together, when everything felt okay and I was happy. He made me happy.

Now I am remembering last summer, before we even got together. I want to go back to then. I was on holiday in France with my family and we went to this couple's house who are British but moved to France, and my parents stayed with them years ago before I was born and when my sister was just a baby. So this was the first time I met them. We dropped by not even knowing whether they would be home or not, but they were. We had wine (I think I had about three glasses) and then they took us out for dinner. I remember we were following them in the car, and I was a bit drunk and very happy. The restaurant was the most unusual restaurant I have ever been to in my life. It kind of looked more like a jumble sale than a restaurant, but it had character. I remember there being sheet music lying around, and thinking it looked like a beautiful piece of music. There was a river next to the restaurant, and I thought it looked really pretty. I couldn't stop looking at the river. This day stands out because I felt really happy, but for no particular reason. Even though I feel happiness most days of my life, I don't think I am happy in my life. There are just things in my life which make me happy. I don't know whether I am happy or not. But I don't really mind, because I am not asking for happiness. Happiness feels a bit out of the question at the moment. I just want to feel alive.