Happiness

I've been thinking a lot about happiness recently. The happiest time of my life was when I was 15 and about to turn 16. It was the summer after my GCSEs, and I had left school and was going to start college in september. The fact that I didn't have to go back to school definitely contributed to my happiness. I also felt amazing, my MAV seemed to be leaving me alone and I felt stronger than I had for about a year. I was doing yoga every morning which I think was helping me build my strength up. I had just bought my cello, which left me with absolutely no money but I didn't care... I had never wanted anything as much as I wanted a cello in my life. So I started learning that summer, and I was so desperate to get past the nursery rhymes that for 4 days I praticed so much that my I had to put deep heat on my hands to get rid of the pain, and after those 4 days I started playing 'proper' pieces. Even after only playing for a few days I couldn't imagine going back to not being a cellist. My life felt completely different than it had the week before. I know that sounds a bit dramatic but that's how I felt. I was also playing my violin a lot, which made me happy. I liked how for a few months, my whole life was about music, and nothing was complicated. It honestly felt like being in love. I was almost completely free of my symptoms, which I knew probably wouldn't last but Iwanted to hang on to that feeling and keep it for as long as I could.

Until a few weeks ago, the last three or four months were also some of my happiest times. I'm not unhappy now, but I'm not happy either. I guess I am just content, but if it was possible to go back to the last few months and just live them all over again, I would. Not to change anything, just to feel everything I felt all over again. I wish my happiness hadn't ended so soon, but I've realised that you just have to try and make the best of now, and concentrate on the future. It's unhealthy to concentrate on what you have lost. Maybe I should just try to appreciate what I had, and what I still have now.