Dear MAV

Dear MAV...

You've made me grow up. Since you've been around, i've always felt older than I really am. Part of me is pleased about this, because maybe I needed to grow up. But at the same time, it doesn't seem fair that I can't just feel like a normal teenager.

You changed the way I see things. You've made me really appreciate everything that's good in my life. In a way, you've helped me become who I am. You've made me more caring, and you've given me the ability to empathise with people on quite a deep level. This is something I like about myself, and it's one of the only good things that you've caused. You've made me realise what I want to do with my life. So, thank you for that.

But you make me feel like shit. I really hate how difficult you've made the last few years of my life. I don't like how you've taken away my energy. I miss feeling like i've got energy. It feels like you've taken so much away from me. And the worst part is that your trying to take even more away from me. You even tried to take my music away from me, which is the thing that matters to me the most. I will never let you. What is it that you are trying to do to me??

Sometimes you scare me. Every day you make me feel like i'm on a strange drug, but it's a feeling I never really get used to. It's a feeling that makes me feel lonely and distant from the rest of the world. It still scares me.

That's another reason why I hate you... You've made me feel so isolated. You drag me away from the rest of the world. Every day, you remind me that there is no one in my life who can truly understand what it feels like.

I don't like the position you've put me in. Why have you made me the victim, the person who needs to be looked after, when it's me who is meant to be DOING the looking after?

At least I can say that by making me fight this endless battle with you every day of my life, you've made me stronger. Strong enough to realise that I won't let you win.