unfamiliar

I was thinking, it would probably be good for me to write something unrelated to MAV, because i don't want my whole life to be about MAV. You have to be careful, because it's so easy to get obsessed, always trying to analyse your symptoms and find answers. To stay sane, you have to learn to train your thoughts. If you don't, you might forget who you are, just like i have.

So i've been trying to think about normal things. But it's been so long since i've been able to do that, i've forgotten what normal things are. I've realised that i feel completely unfamiliar with myself now, i don't know who i am.

Most of you who read this, know me. But do you really know who i am? I've actually changed so much over various months, that i feel like a completely different person. I don't think anyone has noticed though. Maybe, to other people it doesn't show. I wish it did though. I'm better now. I don't want to be like i used to be. I don't want to be seen as the person i used to be.

I keep wondering how people see me. I honestly don't even know how i see myself these days... I don't know. I think too much.

And french exam is tomorrow. I'm shocked that i'm not panicking. I feel so much more relaxed than i did a few weeks ago :) And everything is getting better, i feel stronger. I just wish i could stop feeling so unsure of myself.