Since I've been with my boyfriend, I've gone out more, and gone to college hungover more frequently. I've spend many nights staying up until the early hours with him. I've probably drunk more, and eaten less. I've spent more time on the phone, and less time at home. I think I've smiled more, and definitely laughed more. I've become more content being here instead of wishing I was at Univeristy.
I think if I was still at my worst and feeling as ill as I was two years ago, we wouldn't be together. He wouldn't have be able to stay up late with me because I had to sleep so much, he would have had to spend more time trying to make me smile, and I probably would have spent too much time crying on him. He might not have understood my disorder, so he wouldn't have known how to help me.
Sometimes, he says things which make me realise how little he does understand it and the impact it has had on me, but I really don't blame him; It's not his fault. I don't want to explain it, because I don't want to talk about it anymore and I want it all to just be a memory instead. I wish I could just let it go completely, so it's not part of my life anymore. MAV, please leave me alone now. I want to carry on living.
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