Today I found my 'little miss dizzy' diary that the doctors advised me to write in when I was about 15 and undergoing regular tests and consultations at the hospital. I've been reading it, and each page brings back a flood of memories. I can now remember most moments that I wrote about in that book that I thought I had forgotten. Here are two of the entries:
Friday 5th December
Today I went to the hospital for an MRI scan. I had to get the lift because there were no stairs, and when I stepped out of the lift I had to hold on to the wall for support because I felt like I was going to fall. I walked slowly to the coffee shop, and after waiting there for 15 minutes I felt better. I was okay until I came out of the MRI scanner - when the doctor pulled me out I felt very dizzy and needed to hold on to him. He helped me out of the room and I had to walk really slowly because I felt like I would fall.
Wednesday 10th December
I was dizzy in my dream again. I was dreaming that I was in a shop and I suddenly felt a strong wave of dizziness which made me fall over. I was holding onto a woman's arm to help, but she was walking too fast so I couldn't keep steady. The next day something really strange happened. I was sitting down and I suddenly felt as though I had been pulled to my right and I felt like I was falling. My legs were touching but I couldn't feel them. I began to feel numb. I felt like my mind was no longer part of my body. It lasted for a few minutes. I spent most of today feeling like my head was stuck in a washing machine.
I wish I could go back and just give her a hug. I would hug her and promise her that she is not quite as alone as she feels.
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