I always knew that a 'cure' would take a while, but I never really gave up hope. When I thought about the future, I prepared myself for the fact that I may never get 'better', but I don't think I actually believed that I would still be sick in five, ten, twenty years time. But I never actually got the answers I wanted, and the miracle drug did not exist. I never got the closure I needed.
If my symptoms stayed at this level for the rest of my life, I think I would be okay with that. Obviously I would like to feel better than this, and it would make my life a hell of a lot easier if I did get better, but I'm now at a stage where I can do most of the things I want, and need to do. I'm not better, but I'm okay. As long as I'm okay, I don't need to be better. I would like to be, but everyone's lives are flawed and this could just be my flaw. I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay. I keep telling myself.
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