Here is something that makes me angry...
People say that there's nothing wrong with me. I'm sure that most of my friends will agree that there is nothing wrong with me. Even if they are aware of my diagnosis, i'm certain that none of them realise exactly how much living with MAV affects me.
But that's not the part that makes me angry. I understand that they may not realise, and I don't mind that. We've all got lives to lead, we all have our own problems, and confusions and complications. I know that my friends' lives do not revolve around how I am feeling, and I would not want it to be that way. But what makes me angry is that some people have the nerve to say (or think) that there is nothing wrong with me.
It makes me wonder how they would cope, living in my body, even just for a week. And sometimes it makes me wish that it would happen to them, just so they would know. A person can be visibly normal, but that doesn't mean that everything happening inside them is normal.
Something that makes me even more angry, is when doctors say that what I am experiencing is psychological. Then they refuse to give me medication because they believe that it can't possibly make any difference. It makes me angry, because I know they are only saying it because they don't really understand what is going on, and have given up looking for an answer, as if the symptoms I am experiencing are not worth fixing. It makes me even more angry, when I think about how differently they would act if it was happening to them.
It also scares me a little bit, because I know that every time, it makes me lose faith in people just a little bit more. It makes me feel resentful and bitter, but I hate feeling like that. It even makes me doubt what I already know, and I start to wonder if they are right. Their thoughtless assumptions are making me doubt my own instincts about my body.
I've accepted the possibility that things may never be 'normal' again for me. That doesn't mean i'm going to give up though. I will keep looking for answers, just like anyone else in my situation would do. So i'm not giving up, and neither should they.
You have explained things perfectly.
ReplyDeleteI was diagnosed with MAV/Vestibular Migraines earlier this year. My initial GP thought it was all in my head too. It wasn't until I saw a ENT who reffered me onto a neuro that i finally got some answers. I have been on meds for the past 6 weeks after initially being very hesitant and they have made a huge difference. I've also been seeing a chiro for the past 2 weeks, so it's a bit hard to know which it is that's doing the job.
Hi, that's great, i'm always happy to hear about it when someone starts getting better :) My doctors have basically refused to prescribe me medication anymore, which is really bad considering i was diagnosed a year ago. What medication is it?
ReplyDeleteThat's ridiculous! Is seeing another doctor an option for you?
ReplyDeleteI'm on a tricyclic AD called Prothiaden (has a few other names) which my Dr says they have had some really good success with.
I'm probably going to see another doctor. I don't have much faith in them anymore though. Is your doctor good? And have you had any side effects?
ReplyDeleteMy neuro is quite good. I email her lately rather than calling and she's very quick to respond. The meds are going well. I feel like i've had a relapse the past 2 weeks though with quite a bit of lightheadedness/bouncy feeling happening but i'm just riding with it. Im glad the anxiety side of it has disappeared with the meds. We're having very hot weather here at the moment too which isn't helping! I'm on 75mg of this med and the few weeks to get up to this mg was a bit difficult with a few headaches/blurry eyes/vertigo/increased appetite but after that it's been i'd say 95% good.
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