I keep on slipping out of this life, waiting for the drapes to close

I am in hospital because the pain inside my pelvis has got even more vicious. Whenever the painkillers wear off, I get overwhelmed with intense pain that feels as though it is ripping the inside of my body. Sometimes it feels like my womb and ovaries are burning. I can picture them red and very inflamed. Then I get a feeling of electricity running through my pelvis and down to my legs. You can't even touch the area without pain pulsing inside of me like an electric shock. I am so exhausted from it. The pain has never been this intense or persistent before. It is like a monster. I am feeding it painkillers to make it go away but it just keeps coming back, even with morphine, which used to make it disappear for a few days. Now it just comes back in a matter of hours, as intense as it was before.

My Ipod has been a life saver. When I get distressed I listen to my music and I start to feel like me again. It helps me drift off to a different world, outside of my body and away from the hospital. I often don't realise I am gone until I am suddenly back to reality, inside my body and horribly aware of my pain again. Coming back is always a shock. A bit like when something bad happens and you forget until a few seconds after you have woken up, and all the emotions hit you really hard. The doctor says I am dissociating when this happens. It's my minds way of coping with the pain when it's unbearable. She says that it is a good and useful way of coping with the pain, especially when I don't have access to the stronger painkillers like morphine. 

After 3 days and a ridiculous amount of painkillers, I am finally getting better. I will be discharged today and in a couple of weeks I am seeing the doctor again, who is very good and an expert in pelvic pain. She has discovered that I am experiencing nerve pain associated with the underlying condition that's causing the pain, which she thinks is endometriosis. That explains why the pain has got so bad recently and why I have been getting that horrible electricity-like pain. She has increased my amitriptyline (which I have been taking since my dizzy years) to 75mg which will stop the nerve pain. I am happy that there is some explanation for the pain and they can do something about it now. They have been very supportive and understanding of the amount of pain I am in, and it looks as though they are going to do a lot to help.